After being bed ridden for a year, in pain so excruciating and debilitating that I could not even bear to think (Netflix really does shut your thinking brain off, by the way…), I had a choice to make.
Summed up beautifully in the words of the song by The Clash, “Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble. And if I stay, it will be double.”
Western medicine told me to rest, but I felt my organs shutting down and I was honestly done with being in so much pain and palpable fatigue. Giving into the pull of letting go was alluringly tempting. But, I had some pretty epic kids, and I wanted to stick around for them, and raising them from my bed was not how I wanted to do it. I allowed myself to suspend all disbelief and fear and check out the woo-woo offerings people had tried to get me to consider. I was incredulously better after 1 session. After 3 hour long sessions, I was completely well.
A YEAR OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN AND BEYOND SUB PAR EXISTENCE, BETTER WITH 3 TREATMENTS.
I studied energy work in every form, voraciously and in depth, ever after.
The illness had drastically sensitized me. I was now feeling energy running through me like most people notice cold water running down their throats on a hot day. My innate extra sensory gifts were back online after shutting them down in my childhood when I had been told that my eyes, ears, and mind were just playing tricks on me. I was led to believe that I basically could not trust myself…and now I could.
I studied every modality possible. I used yoga as my vehicle for strengthening my body, as there was nothing else I was strong enough to do. This was a bit of a contrast after having been a collegiate swimmer. I opened up a yoga studio 2 years later sharing the wealth of yumminess my energy and yogic studies had brought to my life.
The body work I provided, Restorative thai partner yoga therapy, taught me first hand that the body stores trauma. I’d unlock pockets of stashed trauma in my clients bodies (hint-this is where your pain/weakness/injuries occur) and see, feel, hear, taste, and smell their memories. This came in pretty handy when I started getting downloads of my own traumas from childhood that were so intense that I’d had complete amnesia around them, until I didn’t. Memory recall rocked my world WITH all my tools and knowledge. I would have thought I was insane without having physically witnessed somatic memories in so many of my clients.
With my new recall presenting some spiritual and emotional work to be experienced, I focused solely on my healing so I could again mother my children in the way I felt they deserved. I shut down my beloved studio, invested in extensive alternative healing trainings, and showed up for all that needed intense loving, compassion, and nurturing. I’ve undergone a drastic letting go, allowing nothing that has presented itself as incompatible with my full health and wellbeing. Which basically looks like doing everything I said I’d never do…I’ve gone into the caves I’ve feared most to reclaim my most precious treasures-wholeness, peace, satisfaction with life.
I now funnel my passionate nurturing, supportive, transformative and aligning energy to the starseeds who are ready to remember, know themselves on a profoundly sovereign level, process their excess empathic emotions, and unfurl their creatrix potential.
Namaste, dear ones!