This was an emotion I wouldn’t even allow myself to feel…but I did feel it. It just happens. How I chose to entertain it or act or not on it were my business and what I had control over. The thing about emotions and feelings is that they aren’t evil. They aren’t good either. They just are what they are and how we choose to use them will benefit us and others or take us all out.
Jealousy is actually a FABULOUS orientation tool. It will let us know loud and clear what we really, truly want, regardless of social conditioning most of the time or because of social conditioning. For example, when I told myself that I wasn’t allowed to work while raising my children, I felt absolutely jealous of career women. But because I termed jealousy as an evil emotion, and thought I would be evil if I allowed myself to feel it, I masked it. I covered it up with compassion, “They don’t know any better…” or gratitude masked as denial, “I’m so grateful I don’t have to work.” Sometimes I would get sick…and add into the denial and the gratitude, “I’m not healthy enough to work even if I wanted to…and I’m so glad I don’t have to.”
I know right?! So much effort went into deluding myself that I even felt what I felt.
What jealousy did all that time, was simply, and innocently, show me what it was that I really wanted that my mindset was limiting from my existence (thanks social conditioning!). Were there ways to accomplish my main goal and do what I desired, sure thing! But I got caught up in creating rules, adhering to them, and the like that I was not even open to the myriad of possibilities that this life offers.
Has jealousy ever pointed you to what you denied yourself from wanting?